My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
