...so i touched it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
