Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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