what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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