If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
