Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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