I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
