you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
