but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
