I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
