Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
