i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
