is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
