Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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