mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
