I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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