i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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