I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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