May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
