You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
