I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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