there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
