After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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