I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
