His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
