i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
