i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
