Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
