Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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