since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
