i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
