I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
