I got chris browned last night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
