i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
