So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
