I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
