2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
