we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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