Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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