okay pat passed out under dana's car
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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