does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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