i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
