instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
