Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
