Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there's paper in my vomit.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
