dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
