mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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