dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
