At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
