The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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