What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
