it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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