Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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