last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
